I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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