More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
