Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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