My liver just broke up with me...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize