yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
