i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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