rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he fucked my hip out of place.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
