I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize