I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize