And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
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