dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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