We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
