my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
