I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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