The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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