what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
