i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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