My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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