I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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