Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
