ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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