Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
