Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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