I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
