well you can't waste a boner
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
