This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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