Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
