his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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