My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
