I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
