sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
