I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize