So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
