Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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