After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
