I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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