She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
