No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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