Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
