I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
