I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
