so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
40s are totally the cure
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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