STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
