You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
