Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
