i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
