I am spending my child support on dildos
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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