and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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