she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
