we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
this will be a night to untag.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
