Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
