Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
