and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just found a bag of teeth...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
