I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
