i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
