Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
