I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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