he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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