I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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