Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
