and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize