I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
