You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
