Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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