I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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