You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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