i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
