i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
