My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
