How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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