i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
