Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I wish there were birth control emojis
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
