glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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